Wishing For A Miracle In Vain

I know I can't have it. And I know the reasons why, but still there's a tiny part of me that can't help but want it. I yearn for it with all my heart, but I know it will never happen. Even hoping for it is in vain. Wishing for it seems like a waste of my wishes. And to top it all, the dreaming and the imagining hurts. Heartache has become a friend of mine, and I have become numb to it to a certain extent but I'm not immune.
Forgetting about it is not easy; and sometimes the smallest of things triggers the want. It can be a picture, an advertisement on the TV or perhaps a song. Wanting it has become a part of me; something that I can not let go of, however much I pretend or put on a brave face. I feel fragile and vulnerable if I choose to ignore or distract myself if I start wanting or wishing that it would happen.

It's something that the mundane part of my brain knows that even if I were one in a million, it still wouldn't happen. Because maybe it's not meant to be?
I don't have answers. Or I should say that I don't have answers which make sense to me or pacify me. Trying to get it out of my mind just makes me think about it even more, which leads to a bucketful of hurt. I like to lie to myself that I don't want it anymore; or I never really wanted it. But deep inside me, I know I always did. And maybe my whole life, however happy I am, I always will.
There can be nothing better than it. The comparison in my mind is prejudiced and judgemental. The scales are tipped to one side permanently. Even the flaws or cons don't seem that bad; they can be overlooked.
I like to tell myself that it would have been so easy and perfect. A perfect fit. Like a puzzle piece in a jigsaw, which fits in without any trouble.

I don't know the solution to this, because I really don't know what my problem is. Is it denial, self-pity, not being able to let go, or just plain day-dreaming? And I know that even talking about it won't give me any answers; no help will come my way. The sensible part of me laughs at the rest of me in mockery, that I'm building castles in the air. I like to sit in a corner, and just dream away sadly. Sitting like a piece of stone, silently hurting.
People say don't wish for things that just can't happen. But I believe in miracles.