Wishing For A Miracle In Vain

I know I can't have it. And I know the reasons why, but still there's a tiny part of me that can't help but want it. I yearn for it with all my heart, but I know it will never happen. Even hoping for it is in vain. Wishing for it seems like a waste of my wishes. And to top it all, the dreaming and the imagining hurts. Heartache has become a friend of mine, and I have become numb to it to a certain extent but I'm not immune.
Forgetting about it is not easy; and sometimes the smallest of things triggers the want. It can be a picture, an advertisement on the TV or perhaps a song. Wanting it has become a part of me; something that I can not let go of, however much I pretend or put on a brave face. I feel fragile and vulnerable if I choose to ignore or distract myself if I start wanting or wishing that it would happen.

It's something that the mundane part of my brain knows that even if I were one in a million, it still wouldn't happen. Because maybe it's not meant to be?
I don't have answers. Or I should say that I don't have answers which make sense to me or pacify me. Trying to get it out of my mind just makes me think about it even more, which leads to a bucketful of hurt. I like to lie to myself that I don't want it anymore; or I never really wanted it. But deep inside me, I know I always did. And maybe my whole life, however happy I am, I always will.
There can be nothing better than it. The comparison in my mind is prejudiced and judgemental. The scales are tipped to one side permanently. Even the flaws or cons don't seem that bad; they can be overlooked.
I like to tell myself that it would have been so easy and perfect. A perfect fit. Like a puzzle piece in a jigsaw, which fits in without any trouble.

I don't know the solution to this, because I really don't know what my problem is. Is it denial, self-pity, not being able to let go, or just plain day-dreaming? And I know that even talking about it won't give me any answers; no help will come my way. The sensible part of me laughs at the rest of me in mockery, that I'm building castles in the air. I like to sit in a corner, and just dream away sadly. Sitting like a piece of stone, silently hurting.
People say don't wish for things that just can't happen. But I believe in miracles.

Differences

It's quite surprising how often we neglect and ignore certain things that are part of our daily lives.We take them for granted, and not realize how much we'll miss their presence when they're long gone. The little things in life which make our face light up with a smile if often the most silliest; something which you'd not even be caught dead doing, but in a certain stroke of spontaneity we come forth from behind our imaginary guard and let it down.
It's quite similar when people consume copious amounts of alcohol. They would be doing the most silliest things, not having a care in the world and living their life how THEY want. But, it plagues my mind that why is the alcohol consumption necessary? Or, for the sake of argument, any other intoxicating substance.
Why can't we let our guard down, and be who we want to be without any other external influence? It feels as if we cover our self with a mantle of ordinariness and unremarkable-ness, trying to mingle in the crowd and not let ourselves be seen as different, or rather 'abnormal'.

For the sake of other people, and to try and fit in with the crowd, we let our inner aura smolder and wistfully burn away to ashes, than letting the flames touch the sky. Fitting in seems to be so important that we tend to let our opinions be shelved too, and parrot other's views just to feel alike.
It's a fact of life, and whenever we meet somebody new, we try to search for similarities rather than differences, and tend to judge the relationship compatibility of friends or lovers by that. It can't be overlooked, nor can it be changed. It's human nature; passed down from one generation to the next. However much I try, even I would want somebody whose as alike as me as it can be possible, but the fact remains that alike is not perfect.

Expecting the Unexpected

As I stare at the open sky above me, I can see the stars twinkling at me, as if they are sending a message to me in Morse code. It feels as if they are trying to tell me something, and I think my heart acknowledged it. I smile at them, and thank the higher power controlling us all.
Isn't it surprising sometimes when things fall into place like you could never have imagined? We go through every scenario a million times in our head, arranging and rearranging to make the jigsaw puzzle fit best. But when it does happen in reality, things take such an unexpected turn, blowing your mind away
It's so spontaneous and unplanned, yet turns out like it has been pondered over for months and every step has been given ample time of thought.
It makes us want to shake our head like a dog after a bath, raining droplets of water everywhere, so that we know we aren't dreaming. A sudden uneasiness and crumbling feeling starts in the deepest pits of the stomach, slowing making it way across the body to take over the mind and soul.
These unexpected, and unbelievable things happen so suddenly and leave us starstruck, that we keep checking and rechecking that it did really happen. There's another part of the mind, the practical one, which warns us not to go over-board in fear of our hopes being dashed. But temporarily you can't help it, and can't concentrate on other things even if you were on fire. I know if it were me, I would have welcomed the fire to lap away at me, too lost in the world of my dreams.
How does it happen? This unexpected yet unbelievably wonderful thing, which takes our breath away without any effort from our side. Aside from the fact that we tread carefully, as if we are walking on eggshells, waiting for them to break under our feet any second now.
It makes me think that this moment in time had something special about it. Was it the lucky moment of the day, when every thing you do turns out right, and you're invincible? If so, I need to find more of these. I got a long list waiting.