Each day, one after the other, brings nothing but more battles. One battle waged; another lying in wait, ready to strike. It is never ending. How many times can a person fight his or her own battles, left, right, front and centre? The feeling of abandonment is central, of course. There is nothing but good intention that is the underlying cause, almost always taken as something much darker. But the damage is done.
Time after time, try after try, it gets harder. Keeps getting harder every damned time. And then you're on the edge of letting go. And you take the plunge.
You choose to let it be and let it go, because it is never going to make a difference. It is never going to get better. It is always going to get even more frustrating so. Relinquishing your hold and choosing to not be affected by it, is hard. But can be done. You learn to stop caring about nonsense, and ignore everyone. Even yourself. You give up on your own self, for standing up is now too monotonous and bears no fruit. It has become tedious, and just sucks up more of your emotions.
I know nobody rememebers the person who gave up, and we should always persevere. But until what? Until you're broken inside? Until you don't care? This is it then.
I am tired of fighting battles and waging wars each day with different elements. I am tired of losing, but now I've accepted defeat. A willing victim suffers less than a soldier in a battlefield. Losing once is better than losing a thousand times and so I quit.
