Endless Waiting

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post, as I toss and turn about, unable to sleep; feeling so restless, and helpless. I detest waiting for anything. Patience is not in my list of qualities, but waiting for something which is just so immensely far away is unfair.
I wish I could while away the time by staying in bed, and doing nothing at all. Just counting down the days, hours and minutes. But alas! It is not possible. There is a vast amount of time jn between which requires me to fulfill my other responsibilites, such as school, familial chores, etc.
I waited out the time by staying in bed for my birthday, spending almost 20 hours like that. But it was so difficult. Barely a day was able to be spent like that, and the waiting period I am talking about encompasses months! I wish I was able to hibernate.
Waiting is unfair; unjust to my soul. There is nothing I can do to make time go faster, or make the destination come closer. I have to suffer.
The anticipation leading upto it will begin when it will be so close, I can taste it in the air around me. But that is too far away. At times, I don't know if I ever will be able to make it. But I just hope I can.

End of the World Resolutions

From all that I've been hearing and watching on the TV, the world just might end on the 21st of December, 2012. Personally, I think its a load of crap, and a sham. But then again, who bloody knows? It really might start raining fireballs from the sky. Better get my fire-proof umbrella out.

With all this world-ending business going on, with TV networks hosting doomsday movie marathons and apocalyptic themed show frenzy, I decided I'm going to make a resolution list. Which I really do intend to keep. Really. So, here we go:

1. Strive to be patient, and control my anger.

2. Be happy with whatever I've got; be optimistic.

3. Realize money doesn't matter at all.

4. Be the best I can be.

5. Avoid being snarky, and picky at tiny things.

Although really these are very general and covering all bases type resolutions, I have another list which is more, uh, me.

1. Read more books and write almost each day, from the heart.

2. Watch even more TV shows, and not lag behind.

3. Be nicer to kitties. Adopt one if I can. Or a cockatoo would suffice.

4. Save money to dole out presents to loved ones.

5. Plan for the future endlessly.

6. Don't tell everyone everything. Stay shut. Lips sealed.

7. Try to grow up.

8. Be less pretentious.

9. Eat more 'real' food, and less 'fake' food.

10. End those nasty habits I have (I know which ones I'm talking about: there are a few of them).

A World Like No Other

It is the only place where anything is possible. Things that could not, should not and probably will not happen, can. It is a world full of possibilities and opportunities. And of course, it is all yours. You have the power to control it; turn it upside-down or inside-out. Nobody can intervene and change the course of things. It is all about you, and only you. No one can barge in and ruin your day, making you miserable and teary eyed.

It exists inside your head, and you mostly visit it roughly 1.5 times a day on an average. The adventures there are endlessly exciting, without any limits. Even reality and logic do not exist there. It is a place where you can feel the warmth of the sun; the rush of the wind and the rich scent of the soil. You can be with those people you cherish most, without caring about distances and the dastardly thing called visa. You can be famous in the blink of an eye; a movie star, bestselling author or a singing sensation. Eat absolutely anything yet not gain any weight. Reason is eradicated, and no laws of physics exist. Hell, Physics and Mathematics don't either. The things you hate disappear quietly away, slithering under the bushes meekly. It is a world of rainbows and butterflies, and castles and fairy tales with a money-back guarantee of a happy ending, complete with Prince Charming and all.

The sad part is that as soon as dawn breaks and the alarm starts yelling, you have to wake up. It has to end, as it is not forever. The illusion shatters, and you're back to Earth; back to your same, old life with your problems, complications and a thousand things to worry about. Its all right there, waiting to pounce on you. And even worse, there is really nothing you can do about it. 

Petulant Child

Is it wrong to feel a sudden urge for something so insignificant in the long run? Something so childish, and minusicle in the flow of life. Something which barely matters a whit, yet at that time, it is all that is important. Like the world just might end, or maybe some disaster.

posted from Bloggeroid

It Really Hurts

It really hurts when you are put down by somebody. You experience a sinking feeling that you are never going to be good enough. It will never be okay, as it will never be enough. A part deep inside you is crushed enough to say hollowly that why bother, why try? You already know the end.
But then there is another part in you that craves to be hopeful, yearning to try. It is like the fragilest of eggs, the shell cracking from the strain and the limbs oh-so-feeble that they might just wither at the slightest touch. Its reaching out, shielding it's eyes from the sunlight that repeatedly stabs in the irises and soon it is enveloped by darkness; engulfed so completely that now even fathoming an existence is taboo.
It is sad that it hurts so much. But you know you shouldn't. The cold has already crept over you, sneaking at you and taken you unawares. You don't want to be a cold, selfish ice sculpture; cruel and unyielding.
But when you're put down, you don't have a choice other than being crushed.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fireworks

As I looked above me at the night sky, a smile spread across my face. Even though it was close to midnight, I could feel a glow as if the sun was shining on me. A rush of adrenaline coursed through my veins; like nothing was wrong, and I had not a thing to worry about. Eternal happiness was at the threshold, and the entire world was celebrating something epic and grand. A million colours scattered all over the sky; tiny specks of lights bright against the darkness of the night signifying light, hope, happiness and everything positive in the world.

The air around me was full of their sound, each one louder than the last. Tremendous explosions of cheers and hurrahs from the crowd punctuated each bang. It made me feel alive as if life was making itself seen and heard. Bangs erupted from behind me, and I turned around to see more reds, blues and greens exploding on the other side of the sky. The sounds made sure that all the them were being noticed; not one of them ignored or left out.

They had their presence; a star-quality in them which made every man, woman and child's eyes stuck like glue to them. They even had the power to scare some; making people lose their balance and loosen their stance. But for me, they were bold, bright creatures, full of life, happiness, joy and mirth. They made me look forward to the future and dared me to dream. The lights were reflected in my eyes, turning them into pools of dreams, fantasies and hopes.

The experience left me thrilled to the core, and happiness dancing in my eyes and veins. It felt as if I was drinking up the joy. Fireworks really do make a difference, and I stood there promising myself that one day, the entire sky would be full of fireworks just for me.

Divine Discontment

It is very strange how when we want something so badly, it becomes a necessity. It becomes a raw need; a basic and primal need. It takes over life, making us neglect the other mundane things. We are blinded and there is nothing else in life that can give us greater happiness but that. The only aim in life is achieving that. But even stranger is the fact that when we do luckily get that one coveted thing, after a while, it does not matter to us one bit. It is flung aside like an old and used toy, played with too often and gotten bored with. And I am not talking about material things only. This happens with people too, for don't we treat people as toys?

People are replaced like Apple replace their products regularly, upgrading and keeping their customers interested and happy. How plastic are we that we replace our friends and people we hang out with for cooler and 'more interesting' ones? But this is real, and practical. The truth might hurt, but it is solid as concrete. There are no doubts about this. The old concept about people sticking through thick and thin is long gone, and now being popular and interesting is essential for survival.

What I have to come to realise is that contentment is unachievable. We will always want new things; new playthings to spend our time with. The people who claim they aren't victim to this are lying boldly. For it is not possible to not want things; it is not human nature to be happy. Nothing is ever enough; greed is always swimming on the surface of our minds, bodies, hearts and souls. It is very sad and deprecating. No matter how much we obsess over something, if it becomes ours, it loses it's value. Until we have it, it will be our sun, but once we do, it will be treated like dirt beneath our shoes. But there's one good thing about discontenment. It leads us to bigger and better things. Who needs to be contented when there might be something epic right around the corner? All you have to do is look, dream, want, need and it's yours. Satisfaction is just a myth, and to be honest, quite over-rated.

Power Of A Word

It's amazing how one little word can change your whole day. One single word uttered nonchalantly; without the slightest of concerns of its repercussions. That word has the potential to swim about in the mind for the entire day. It may delve deep, burrow tunnels and distract you from other mundane tasks of your life.

This has happened to me quite a few times lately. Various words said by various people, without a care and meaning no harm, ate up my sanity and troubled me until I made peace with it. It made me think that although it is just a word, but it has the power to change things; the power to divert the flow of conversations, relationships, and even the menial things. The difference is such that it makes one wonder if we should throw around words we do not really mean quite so often. The listener might take and spin an entirely new tale off it.

The power and potential of that one word to change our entire day from being a fantastic to a morose one is heady. Without realising it, we have the power to utter such a word and change the impending future. We don't have to lift a finger, make world-domination plans or ponder endlessly to change the world. It's so easy. But with everything, it comes with a price. Our conscience might have to pay for it; spraying guilty thoughts against the insides of our soul, and making us slowly wither.

There are two sides to everything, and with this it can make a day or break it. Mine has been broken quite a few times, and been made a few memorable times as well. But the fact of the matter is, nothing can be done. People will say what they want, and we have no choice but to reflect. I guess it all depends if we are pessimists or optimists. I, for one, will always choose to see the darker side of things, because our fears lie in the shadows forever.